2014, satire


Student finishes book: “I’ve read worse”

On Monday February 24, at 9:49 a.m. a sophomore student, Victor Clerval, finished reading the literary classic Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.

“It was fine, I guess. It wasn’t great. I’ve read worse.” The student said in an exclusive book review.

It was reportedly required reading for the student’s gothic literature class. Sources confirmed that the student is “thinking of being an English major.”

“I thought it would be y’know more gothic,” said the student. “But like nobody was wearing all black, no one listened to emo or punk rock and like it wasn’t scary at all.” Clerval said as he looked at the cover of the book.

 Clerval said that the book “wasn’t as bad as other books I’ve read. I mean it was no Heart of Darkness   or Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Now, those were bad.”

When asked who his favorite character was, the student shrugged and said, “I don’t know. Frankenstein?”

The student has started to refer to the book as “the text” in an effort to sound more pretentious.

Other students in that class had previously read Frankenstein in high school and lauded the book on it’s powerful and complex literary themes.

“I loved how light and fire represented the duality of progress and innovation. Totes mah goats genius,” said a junior Communication major from Maryland who is taking the class for a GE credit.

Clerval said this was the first book he’s “actually read” this year.

“But if you add up all the tweets I’ve read that probably counts as a book.”
He is excited to get his free personal pan pizza through Pizza Hut’s BOOK IT! reading program.

Clerval said he looked forward to reading Dracula next because “I liked Twilight so I will probably like this other vampire book, right?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s